Journal Entry// May 22, 2009

Hey friends! It’s been a while. I think that a journal entry will help out, so here we go! I’ll be up and blogging again in no time =]

I didn’t understand Mark yesterday when he said I should ask for trust. I really didn’t have confidence in my salvation, or my savior. I’ve been thinking that what I’ve been doing is so horrible that I was going to lose my salvation. But it’s not! Well, it is bad, cuz it’s sin, but my salvation is intact. I am justified. He already did the rescuing. He’s already done the forgiving. It is done, it is finished. I am God’s. NOTHING can pluck me from his hand or separate me from his love. God promises that what he starts, he will finish. So I am not too far from God. I have not lost my salvation. Did I disobey? Yes. Did I screw up? Yes. But the one who has called me is faithful, even when I’m faithless.

I think I got a glimpse of what an abused person experiences. “Where do I go? I don’t have anyone to trust. The person I should and can trust, I don’t. I don’t have anyone. No one can help me. What am I going to do?” I wanted help so bad, but I didn’t know where to find it. I didn’t really want to tell anyone I was struggling. Didn’t want to look weak. That was pride.

Things I’m learning about myself:

*I don’t like change. I find something I like and I stick with it. I keep looking till I find something I like

*I don’t like being uncomfortable. I don’t like getting out of my comfort zone.

*I usually step up when I need to. Otherwise, I try to be a follower. I feel I’m a good follower, a good #2, right hand man.

Yeah. That’s where I’ve been for the past couple weeks. If you’re struggling right now, know that you are not too far from God. He is wanting to swoop in and rescue you! He’s waiting. Answer his call. He loves you a ton!

I look forward to blogging again friends! Be excited… there are going to be some changes around these parts… Yay!