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Yes, I cry

man, so the past few days have been a roller coaster emotionally. This is the most I’ve cried in a very very long time. This dream I had the other day was very in-depth and I really wish that it was real but it isn’t. It tugged at a lot of heart strings and when I woke up and realized that it wasn’t real, I cried. I really cried. That’s how hard it was. Then I found out stuff that’s going on with family (can’t say any more than that), my dog is dying, this stupid money thing with my credit card, and realizing how far I have to go in my walk with Christ. It’s so funny to think: the closer I get to God, the more I realize just how far away I am from him. But that’s the beauty of it. It makes me desperate, because I start to realize that I don’t have it all together. I really, really need God, because if I try to do this by myself, I’m going to fail miserably. The biggest way that I see this is in my super, ridiculously strong desire for a spouse. Every so often that chord will get struck and I’ll usually be blindsided by it. It’s debilitating. It also shows my lack of trust with God. I know that he is working everything out for my best (romans 8:28)and that he will grant me the desires of my heart (psalm 37:4), but sometimes I don’t believe it. And that’s when I get in trouble. I’ll start freaking out, asking God, why can’t it be now? Why am I more passionate for them than for you? Where is this coming from? Why do I have to wait? I thought you promised them to me? If I thought you spoke to me about this, what else am I wrong about? And the questions keep coming.

I know I’m not alone in this. Which I’m thankful for. Very, actually. If you struggle with this, or just doubt God in things, meditate/ruminate/stew/chew on this verse, 2 Corinthians 1:3-11:

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

8 For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10 He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 11 You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.

Y’all, God longs to comfort us in our affliction. God doesn’t want me to suffer needlessly. He wants to comfort me. And also, God uses this to build my faith in him (1 Peter 1:6-7)! It’s all for a purpose. It will all work out. God loves me. What he has promised, he will deliver on!! It’s a good thing. It’s not worth worrying about. I just have to wait a little longer is all…

I’m excited =]

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. sq
    March 12, 2009 at 4:37 am

    Thank you for this.

    I’m praying for you. Life sucks, but you have a Christian family to help bring you out because they have the Spirit of God and so do you! Trust God!



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